Money Does Not Grow on Trees

Last week, I signed up to sell Avon. That's not the same as selling Avon. I just haven't made the effort yet. I have to leave that mentality that just because my name is slapped on "Avon sales rep" doesn't mean money will flow towards me. For years I could go to work, sign/punch in and do whatever was needed, and whether there were a lot of work or lack of, I'd get paid a certain amount for however many hours I worked.

But it's a whole different ball game now. My feelings towards this is on a scale that tips back and forth very fast. One minute I feel I'm wasting time and just gathering a collection of Avon booklets, and other times something goes through my mind and heart that I can do this. The attempt I mean. If I can go out there to a certain number of people and push sales, initially it wouldn't matter that I didn't get any customers. It's the fact that I tried. Sometimes I'm just not a people person. Perhaps that's why I've gotten fired from a couple of places, because of my attitude. Though I am my own boss this time. I set my own hours and I can do whatever I say.

The era of laziness is over.....I hope.

Does Slow and Steady Win the Race?

Calling that number for help finding a job didn't work out so well. So I just became stuck. I still want to work at home, but I believe someone upstairs is telling me that won't be happening anytime soon.

I told my mother that I would be out of the house this September, so I need to act fast. Finding a job now is hard-with or without a kid. If I didn't have Elliot, I'd still be in the same position now. But in any case, I need something. Pride still consumes me, so I won't be looking at any grocery stores, or anywhere that requires their employees to wear a uniform.

Jeff had an interview today, and he says it seemed to go well. If he gets this job, then it's a step up. Not sure if it's a huge step, but it'll be one step out of our parent's door.

Reaching Out

I hit a snag the other day. My main goal so far has been to find a job I can do in the comfort of my own parent's home, or at least go to a job where I can take my son. With with career, I wanted to find something where I could incorporate my writing, blogging to be exact. So a work at home or telecommuting career where I can write. It sounded good to me. So as the search for my ideal career began, it didn't hit me that my choice was very broad, and therefore resulted in nothing. When I typed in "writing" in Louisville, Ky, the only option that was brought to my attention was a website called Examiner. It was the same as a lot of blog sites. Very categorized. Lifestyle, politics, fashion. You have to have a good knowledge about a particular category. There's no category for "What I did today." The Examiner was out.

I've tried countless of other sites, and nothing seemed to be what I needed. I was beginning to think maybe my passion for writing was and is just a hobby. Then I told myself "There are many careers where you can write. It might not be the writing you want to do, but it could still be putting the pen to paper or fingers to keyboard." I began my search once more. The results were a little clearer, but in true fashion, I was either in the wrong location, or my Associate's was not good enough.

I prayed about it, and all I heard was, "Keep doing what you're doing, and it'll come." I've been writing three blogs, and updating Twitter for a while. In total I have three followers. Not that I'm complaining, I love the thought that someone is reading my thoughts-on computer that is. Though I will continue to write my blogs and updating Twitter, I'm taking it a step further. I am reaching out for help. I came across a flyer for a local job search site where they can assist people in need of help finding a job. I still want to write, but I believe at this point I have to think realistically. Not everyone is fortunate enough to have their dream job, and it seems as though I might be among that majority that doesn't love their job.

I told Jeff the other day that there have been two jobs that I've worked for longer than a year, and both of those jobs my mother has found and or have gotten me. The very first job I had was a bagger at Winn Dixie. Though I wanted to quit on my first day, I struggled through two years before leaving. When my job at the Sweet Factory ended due to the closing of the business, my mother had gotten me an interview with someone she worked with at U of L. I didn't like working for the students, yet I was there for two years. All of the other jobs I had found I wasn't there for very long, just a few months.

So I am reaching out for help from a complete stranger. This is crunch time, and though we are in a tough economy and I should not be picky when it comes to earning an income, I can not help but choose carefully. I hope that my next job will turn into a long lasting career. I might not love it, but I'd rather be confortable at it.

Full Time Job Searching

These past few days, I've been trying to update my resume. It doesn't seem to take long to redo your resume, because you know all the facts-your name, address, employment history, etc. What can take long is how you organize it. Whenever I start a new document on Word, I scroll down to the resume templates. There are so many, that it's not even funny. So which to choose from? First I chose the one for Administrative Assistant, and continued to plug in my information. Then after reading various sites, I came across a tip which stated not to use templates. Well any advice is good advice, so I revised my resume by starting over from scratch.

Not only that, but I decided to redo my objective as well. When we first learned how to write a resume in high school, I hated writing what my objective was. It had to be professional, quick and to the point. I just wanted to write, "Look I need a job, here's what I used to do." Why can't all resumes be raw and honest? However, I couldn't do that, not if I wanted a job, though at an interview, I was asked why I wanted the position, and I flat out said because I needed a job. So I figured if I put my objective as finding a telecommuting job in sites like monster.com or careerbuilder.com, then employment opportunities in that field will come my way.

Well I've finished my newly revised resume, and sent it into various job search sites. Then, I began to search for them myself. I've discovered that finding employment is a job all by itself. You spend a couple of hours searching and searching, until you find one that doesn't exactly describe your educational background, or even work history, but you submit your resume anyways. Why can't we get paid to look for jobs? There are those out there who recieve unemployment checks, and some of them don't do anything constructive with their money. At least I'm putting in hours of looking, and researching how I can improve my resume.

Some times it can be easy to find a job opportunity, or even a interview. But the real hard work comes in once you get the interview, and then you have to put on your biggest smile, dress like there's no tomorrow, and you better research that company before you're asked if you know anything about them. Yet, I am at square one-finding a job. And finding does not bring any income.

For better or for worse

My mother was driving with me in the front passenger seat, Jeff behind the driver's seat, and Elliot right behind me. Coming from visiting my aunt, uncle and cousin in Indiana, we stopped at Rally's so mom could purchase a chicken sandwich. The fast food joint was in the same shopping area as my very first place of employment, Winn-Dixie. I recalled the time I was on my break and I ventured over to Rally's to eat where I was approached by a Middle Eastern man, trying to win my affection. I silently escaped once he finished talking to me and went to order his meal. Afterwards, I began to think of my time at the grocery store. At the end of my first day I wanted to quit. I didn't like going out in the blistering heat fetching carts that were not returned to the rightful cart returning area. I didn't like escorting shoppers to their cars if all of their purchases were in the shopping baskets. Cleaning the women's restroom made me gag everytime I mopped and emptied the trash. In fact, the only thing I enjoyed doing, besides clocking out, was what we called go backs. Go backs were simply putting back items that were out of place. But I enjoyed doing that duty because I was not bothered by virtually anyone, my bosses or even the customers. Though I wanted to quit after my first day, my mother didn't allow it, and I ended up chasing carts and fetching cigarettes for customers for nearly two years.

Soon I began to think of all the jobs that proceeded Winn-Dixie, and then it hit me-jobs are like relationships. Most of the time, we are attracted to one particular job field, we work hard at it to stay in the relationship, and at times we may curse at it, or love it like we have never loved before. Sometimes we take a break from the relationship, some longer than others. Many of us are married to our jobs, others want to depart, or divorce it. And sadly, there are the times that the jobs leave us, or kick us out to the curb. But there is a common theme to each circumstance after one employment has been finished. Learning. We either learn from our prior relationships, or jobs, or we don't learn and continue to search for that job that was similar to the last. I have been attracted to the same kind of job, all through my resume, and I'm learning to see what else is out there.

Customer service isn't for me. I've felt as though I was abused by these jobs, mentally and physically, and the changes it made inside me were not for the better. I became angry, frustrated, tired, and urging to get out of the relationship. But in order for me to get out, I had to search for another relationship to jump into. Often there were no jumping into anything. I was single. And during my time as being single, I should have taken myself aside and gave me a pep talk in learning how to get out of my comfort zone and search for an entirely different relationship, or job field. I don't have to please others and continue on in a relationship I no longer want to be a part of. I must break the cycle myself and find joy in the new relationship. Writing and I have been flirting for quite some time now, and we think we want to take it to the next level. Getting to know each other on a more personal level. It's a brand new, yet scary relationship that I know in my heart could be the one for me. But relationships are 50/50-give a little, take a little. It will be hard, but I'm ready, and willing to learn.

You can learn plenty from children's books

To improve my writing skills, I turned to the library's website. In its catalogue, the search presented me with numerous children's books. I was confused. If people want to enhance their skills, why should they look towards the kid's section. Then I began to read some of the titles, and my interests perked up. One book I came across and eventually checked out was Career Ideas for Kids Who Like Writing. At first sight, I figured the author and publishers of this book thought that adults should already be well into their careers, or going to school for their potential career. Still, I figured what could this hurt?

The book discussed in detail the various careers that comes from writing such as freelance writing, becoming an author, editor, corporate communicator, and advertising copywriting. In my notebook, I jotted down the interesting career descriptions. The funny thing is that it was published in 1998, so who knows how many more careers have blossomed from the world of writing. Also in the book, were exercises to further the interests of potenial careers. I have a few that I'd like to research more about, and hopefully one day, I will become a successful freelance writer, advertising copywriter, or paralegal.

You'd be suprised what you can discover from children's books. Certainly don't judge a book by its cover, but also don't judge it by what the book is about. These were "grown up" careers. Careers I've never even heard of when I was the age of this book's target audience. In any case, I will continue my quest to become a telecommuting mommy who writes, and with this book, my journey has taken a new direction.

I didn't know I was such an artist

Writing a resume is like painting a picture. Better yet, like the painting of Georges-Pierre Seurat's , A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte.

If you studied the painting, or just know what makes it so special, then you know that if you look at the painting practically with your nose pressed against it, you'll see that the iconic painting is made up of tiny dots.  

That's what I think of when it comes to writing resumes. Everything has to be so carefully detailed and structured so that when potential employers glance at it, they'll see what they like, and want to study it. The result is an interview. And at the interview, you are the painter who better darn well know and explain how you painted your resume. But you go the extra mile when the person who is conducting the interview asks you the standard questions like what are your strengths, weakness, and why should you be consider for the job over other applicants. Some kids (and adults) have trouble coloring within the lines, and at the interview, you dare not to cross those lines. Your resume can not be a work of neoimpressionism, such as Seurat's A Sunday Afternoon, and your interview is a work of post-impressionism. They both have to be a inside the lines.

Standard resumes are usually comprised of the same components-name, address, phone number, email, educational background, objective, then the names of the job titles, location of employment, dates of employment, description of the job, and last references. Sounds simple, right? If only. Assuming the person meets all of the requirements of the job from the particular job listing, it's all about how the resume was painted. Sloppy resumes get tossed into the trashed, while well structured resumes gain interest.

I am no resume writing expert by any means. If I were, I'd have a job by now, making money, reaching that goal of moving out of my parents house. This is only from my experiences and what I've read in books and online articles. I always felt my resume were passable, but after reading Leslie Truex's  The Work at Home Success Bible, I felt like an amateur when reading her tips about resumes. Use active words when describing education and experience, and don't use too many adjectives and adverbs. She also had a tip about sending a resume through email, and once I read it, I realized this was probably a big reason why I don't recieve phone calls to come in for a interview. Don't send the resume as an attachment, only as text. It just never occured to me to do that. I suppose I found it was the quickest way to let the potential employer know that I am interested in the position, then go on to the next job listing.

After reading her tips and advice on resume and cover letter building, I started over from scratch. I first wrote down on paper every single job I've had, including volunteer jobs. I went into more detail in the job description. I did something I have not done whenever I wrote my resume-I took my time. Employers don't want you rushing your work (unless it's called for it), so why rush writing your resume? Would you want someone to rush when preparing your food at an upscale restaurant? No, you'd want them to take their time, but still finish it in a timely manner. I want my steak cooked, not tossed into the microwave and called gourmet.

My hurdle now is how to paint my resume as someone who wishes to have a telecommuting job, preferably in the writing field. That is where my resume research digs a bit deeper, and I am confident that I will paint a resume worth looking at and discussed. However, painting a beautiful resume may not be enough. The painting of the resume will always stick to paper, but it's the painter who brings it to life.

The Write Stuff

In December of 2009, my boyfriend Jeff gave me this journal for Christmas. It was no surprise, since I told him that's what I wanted. So I started writing in it for a few weeks, then procrastination showed its face. I wouldn't write in it for a long time because I felt there was nothing to write about. Then around spring of 2010 I blew the dust off of the cover and started writing again. That lasted for about two weeks. Every now and then I would bring it out and write in it, just an updated of my not so fun life...still no job, no money, and no place to call my own. Then the biggest writing bug hit me and infected me with its posion in March of this year. I don't know what caused it, maybe the birth of my son, I was extrememly bored because I still had (have) no job, or both. So I began to write my most personal thoughts. Thoughts only to be shared between God and I.

But I wanted to take it a step further. Back when MySpace was the hippest thing this side of the internet, I would post blogs on my profile, and friends would read them, and comment on them. Then Facebook k.o.'d MySpace, and there was no place to really blog, except in Notes. It wasn't what I was used to, and I didn't see anyone else write except for a few silly "90 questions about me" type of stuff. However, I discovered that a former classmate of mine has her own blog, and I began to read it. Nothing fancy, no lifestyle advice, political ranting, or even celebrity gossiping. Just her writing down about her day to day activities. I thought to myself that I really miss blogging, even if I have no audience, I'd still feel accomplished that I got my thoughts out. Besides it's a great way to vent. So I decided to find a good blog site, and after a couple of failed attempts, I finally found my way to Blogger.

However, I wanted more. In school, I actually enjoyed writing and had good grades to show for it. Sometimes I'd show my mother the pieces I wrote, and she said that she really liked them. That or she was just saying it because she's my mother. In college, I took a Music in America course and at the end of the semester, we were to write about anything we've enjoyed discussing. It had to be one style of music, one noteable musican from that genre, and how it had affected us. Miles Davis was always one of my favorite artist, so I chose him. I went to the School of Music library and checked out about five books. I carefully scanned the books along with several websites, and I handwritten my paper before typing it so I could get all of my thoughts out first and I could read and reread it in case there were changes to be made. I recieved a B. I thought I deserved an A, but I felt extremely accomplished that I had written an eight page paper when I'm so used to three pages. To this day, I still have that paper.

I've said in a previous post that I'm a flip floper. Some days I'm into this, other days I'm into the next thing. I truly believe that writing has come and gone in my life, but now it's back and I want it to stay. I don't care if I don't have an audience, I just want to write and feel as if I've accomplished something worthwhile. If I can, I would love to make writing a career. Even if it's a career in blogging. Anytime I search for blogs, they're always categorized such as "Music, Homes, Politics, etc." They say write what you know, and know what you write. Well I know that I want to write about anything that comes to my mind. A jack of all trades of blogging, if you will. And I also know that I don't have a job, and I desperately need one. I'm praying that writing is truly my calling, and that I may make a career out of it. It sounds like I would be in it just for the money, but writing is a unique talent. Everyone can do it, though not everyone can do it so well. I lack confidence in numerous things, but writing is not one of them. I want to show my little boy that it's okay if it takes a while to discover that your passion has been inside you all along.

Working to stay at home

Before I became pregnant, I looked at stay at home mothers and thought they were selfish. "Why is your boyfriend or husband the sole provider of your family? Why can't you go out there and make money yourself? This is not the 1950s, and you are no Donna Reed." Those were actual thoughts I was thinking. But when I was pregnant, I found myself working one job, then left to do temporary work. My plan then was to keep doing temp work on up to March, which was when Elliot was due. The plan lasted only one temp job which ended three days before Christmas. In January I called the temp agency's office to inform them that I was still available for work, and they said they would keep in touch. That was the last time I heard from them. Weeks past and as I grew bigger, my hopes of finding employment slimmed. During that time, I didn't think of stay at home moms as selfish, in fact I didn't think anything of them except I just didn't know why they chose to remain at home, though each reason is different than the next.

March 19, my son was born and it finally hit me-many of these stay at home moms want to watch their kids grow up. Not much they can see if they're dropped off at the babysitter's or day care in the mornings. I just gave birth to my little boy, who shared the same body as me, and I couldn't leave him with familar faces for long stretches of time for work, let alone with strangers. It became clear to me that I wanted to stay home with Elliot. But I have to bring in money also, especially if I want to leave my parent's house. While working at a hotel last year, I was coming home from work and in front of me was a van with decals on the back with a website about moms working at home. I wrote down the name of the site, but also expected not to use it. After deciding to find work I can do at home, I contacted the woman from the site, and she explained what the company she worked for was about. I was intrigued, yet careful because scams happen even when the computer was shut off. The woman contacted a few days later to present a presentation via internet. I had my pen and paper ready for notes and questions to jot down. As she continued after 15 minutes, boredom found it's way to me. The company did not sound interesting, and quite frankly, it seemed like a lot more work than I was prepared to do. She told me she would call in a few days so I would have time to process all that I heard and seen and to gather any questions. There was no need. I didn't want to do it. I declined the oppertunity when she called back.

Then I started Googling work at home jobs, and link after link seemed to be a scam. Again, I was losing hope, and the possiblity of day care reared its ugly head into the picture. I found administrative assistant  positions and sent in my resume. My resume never looked its best, but it was as clean as I could make it, and included all the important parts. Besides the familar rejection letter, I recieved no word, or call. My mind went back to work at home oppertunities. I dug a little deeper this time in the world wide web, and I came across this book that I am currently reading, The Work at Home Success Bible: A Complete Guide for Moms by Leslie Truex. It's a wonderful guideline for moms (and dads) who wish to work at home. It's not a book of websites that are not scams and guaranteed job oppertunities, but she gives you the good and ugly side of working at home. It's not for everyone, but for those who can and will actually work at home, she gives great advice on how to make it happen. I even cleaned up my resume.

Working at home for me can and will be a challenge, for I suffer from procrastination and distractions. But if it means providing for my Elliot so that our new family may have a place of our own, then I will unplug the tv, turn off the phone, and put on horse blinders. I want the chance to watch my little guy grow up with all the milestones such as crawling, talking, and walking. But I also need to have a source of income. Sometimes you can have your cake and eat it too.

Why Don't You Just Blacklist Me?

Doing this Superlady thing is hard. But then again, how hard is it to do something ordinary that in turn is super? Being a mother to a two month old and trying to find a job, better yet a work at home job, is super. How is that super, you may ask? Because I'm wanting to work. Notice how I didn't say "needing to work." I love being in the comfort of my own home, where I can have sick days (which are extremely rare), but still have work to do. However, it's disheartening when I find job oppertunities, that applies to me in every single way, and I submit my resume or go fill out an application, and then nothing. I hear nothing for days, weeks. Or worst, I get the email that starts to build your hopes up for the first few words or sentences, then it hits you like a huge snowball thrown right in your face by the neighborhood bully on a snow day. "We regret to inform you, we've decided to pursue other candidates." Here's an actual email I recieved this morning from a job oppertunity that I sent my resume to a few weeks ago-

               Dear Charice:

      Thank you for your interest in employment with (name not shared). After careful consideration of your application, we regret to inform you that our search for the Human Resources Administrative Assistant - PART TIME position has been narrowed to other candidates.
However, we would like to see you find a new career in our region, so please visit our local career partner, (site not shared), to find other open jobs in the area.
We will retain your resume in our database and inform you of any future jobs matching your resume.
We thank you for your interest in (name not shared) and wish you all the best in your career.

Sincerely,
(name not shared)   

I can't or even have the energy to count how many emails I recieved saying "thanks but no thanks." In addition to your insensitive sensitivity, tell me why I'm being passed up for this job. Am I under qualified? Over qualified? Did you call my previous employers and they told you I'm not someone to be considered for the position? Did you look at my Facebook profile (which I sometimes don't think that should be a factor, but more on that later) and see something you didn't like? Did I not bribe you like the other candidates (can't say for certain if that happens)? Don't refer me to a site that will help with my resume. Be considerate and tell me what I did wrong so that I may change it and be prepared for the next job oppertunity I send my resume or fill out a job application for. Even if I wasn't the only one who applied for the job, and you don't have the time or paitience to go into detail why I was passed over, just give me one word, like "Over qualified." Or even a couple of words like "No experince," "Position taken." That way I can take a hint and move on to work on getting experience or applying for jobs that I am qualified for.

At this point, I think why do I even bother? My index and middle fingers are aching from crossing them and saying, "here goes nothing." Yes this may seem like "half glass empty" thinking, but "high" is no longer a direction for my hopes. There's a line in The Shawshank Redemption where an inmate is talking about his upcoming parole board hearing, and he jokes "I know how you feel, I'm up for rejection next week!" That's exactly how I feel when I put in an application, resume, or even if I get to second base, which is the interview. The news and media is telling America that jobs are out there and companies are hiring, but they don't tell you that you have to go above and beyond the ideal candidate. Maybe it'd be easier if I was blacklisted, or blackballed. That way I wouldn't have to waste my time being rejected.

What is a Superlady?

    My interpretation of a super lady has nothing to do with comic books, or a herione. Not really anyways. There's a funny story of how I came up with the name, Superlady. There is an episode of the Simpsons where the family travels to Rio de Janeiro to find a boy that Lisa had been sponsoring. Marge and Lisa goes to a dance studio asking the instructor about the boy's whereabouts. The instructor only explains the  provocative dance they are learning, and after Marge says that Lisa shouldn't be hearing that type of talk, they turn, leaving, and the instructor calls out, "You can't protect her forever, you stupid lady." Well with his accent, it sounds like he said "super lady." A bit of a stretch, I know. But that is the way I think. Far beyond the outside of the box. However if you want a better explanation, a super lady is any woman who does anything that may seem ordinary, yet is still super. It may be the single mother raising her kids, who not only works, but also goes to school. The super lady may be the elderly woman who, even though has her own children, is a foster mother to many kids. She is the young girl who seeks help from an abusive partner. She is the mother, and wife that will support her partner when times get rough. Better yet, if you are a woman, young or old, and you are doing something positive in your life, look in the mirror. You are a super lady.
   Men, I haven't forgotten about you. Superlady isn't all about girl power. It has no gender prefrence. Gentlemen, if you are doing something positive in your life, then look in the mirror. You are a honorary super lady :).

Ambition

Ambition-a. an ardent desire for rank, fame, or power
b. desire to achieve a particular end
~Merriam-Webster Dictionary
  
A man without ambition is dead. A man with ambition but no love is dead. A man with ambition and love for his blessings here on earth is ever so alive.
Pearl Bailey
   
    I am 24 years old, and I lack ambition. But I have the ambition to find my ambition. Doesn't make sense does it? Sometimes I consider myself a flip floper. No it does not have anything to do with politics, as John Kerry was called during the 2004 presidential election. I am a flip floper because one minute I want to do this, or be this, and the next minute I want to do something else.
     When I was a kid, I had this a light green water pistol with a orange trigger. That's what the pistol might have looked like to you. But to me, it was a Glock, and I was out to shoot any bad guy that looked at me crooked. My room turned into a drug house where men and teenage boys were producing and distrubuting crack, weed, crystal meth. You name it, they had it. And my dresser drawer was the wall next to the open door frame that I had my back against with my gun raised, ready for a shoot out. I poked my head out to see how many there were, and in a quick glimpse, I see that I'm spotted. I pull back the trigger, close my eyes, and take a deep breath as I hear footsteps running towards my direction. I opened my eyes, then....I'm bored. The Glock turned back to the light green water pistol with the orange trigger. I put it away where it collected dust for the next several years.
    In the 5th and 6th grade I played the violin. I wasn't good at it, but I still enjoyed it. So naturally, my day dreams  placed me in the New York Philharmonic, 1st chair, playing a beautiful solo piece that made women and men weep. One night I was watching KET and a orchestra was playing. My mother was in the room talking on the phone, and not caring who was on the other end, I turned to her and said, "That's what I want to do." And she responded, "That's good."
    By 7th grade I was in band. Instead of having the dream of performing in some kind of band with my clarinet, I turned my attention to becoming a psychologist where the dream stuck with me all the way to my second semester of college. A long time to dream, right? During my senior year of high school, I took psychology with Llyod Harris, one of the best teachers I have ever had. He was the kind of teacher that everyone liked. Smart, funny, and not afraid to remind you that his fourth wife is his favorite. The best thing about him was that with every lesson, he had a relevant story to keep us interested. Some were funny, others were hard to hear without tearing up. So I figured psychology is what I want to do. I've learned so much from a great teacher, and I couldn't wait to learn more in college. Dr. Edna Ross's Psychology 201 lecture. I was taught by one woman with nearly 300 students. What was I thinking? She isn't Mr. Harris. What's with taking quizzes with iClickers and the study group class where you took tests in? It shook my foundation, but I pressed toward to pursue my dream of becoming a great pyschologist in the counseling field, working at the Bellevue Hospital in New York City. Then I took cognitve psychology my second semester of my freshman year. My final grade is what destroyed my foundation, and I never thought of becoming a psychologist ever again.
    Over the next three years of college, I wanted to be a philosopher (where are those jobs?), then a stage actress, stage manager (encountered a lot of stuck up theatre people), and lastly, a paralegal. That is what I have my Associate Degree in. As of course, the classes made the paralegal field very interesting. My internship led me to believe this could be my career.  In December of 2009, I recieved my degree, and was told by the head of the paralegal department that if I needed a job recommendation, she'd be happy to send one. So I was on my way to pursue the career of a paralegal, which field, it didn't matter. I looked on websites such as martindale.com, careerbuilder.com, monster.com, and even craigslist.com. Newspapers and job ads from the local grocery store piled into my room. I had very few interviews with the same silent result. I began to lose faith that I would finally become an adult with an adult job. A conversation with my mom was probably the final blow. She told me the reason why I couldn't find a job was because I just had an Associate's degree. Bachelor Degrees is where you'll find the jobs. I didn't want to listen to her. If no one with an Associate's could find a job, then why have the choice of pursuing it? Also, it just didn't make sense. Shouldn't any college degree be just fine for a job? Apparently not. As time went on, and I still could not find anything, my mother's words slowly began to cement itself in my memory. Soon, I was no longer interested in becoming a paralegal.
    Maybe I give up to easily. After all these weren't dreams too far out of reach. I could have been a police officer, violinist, psychologist or a paralegal. But deep down inside, I know the true reason. I just didn't want to put forth the effort. I'm not like the clown that comes right back up after being knocked down. I am my own worst enemy. When something gets too hard, or even if I tell myself I can't do it, I leave it alone in my memory never to take seriously again. But now I am a mother to a goregous 2 month old named Elliot. I can't just sit around waiting for the next "brilliant" thing to pop into my head. Though the flavor of the month is being a work at home mom writing blogs, hoping someone will read them (and offer me a job ;) ). So for now, my ambition is to find my abition. What is it that I really want to do? What will make me happy? What will get me out of my parent's house? Finding my ambition will be like searching for treasures on a beach with a metal detector. It may take time, but it'll happen.